February 2nd, 2012 
Scott Coates Few things during a trip to Thailand cause as much apprehension, excitement and uncertainty as a visit to the toilet. What’s it going to look like? Will it be dirty? Will I be able to use it? Just what’s behind that door anyway?
There’s definitely no substitute for one’s personal ‘throne,’ and most of us acknowledge this. Who gets excited or is even willing to use a public toilet when one is at home, let alone in a foreign country and traveling well off the beaten path? This is one daily activity that ideally requires the utmost cleanliness, familiarity, and personal space. But, as travelers we forgo this luxury in exchange for the exotic and interesting: an opportunity to see life on the other side of the door.
Half the battle in managing toilets in an unfamiliar country such as Thailand is knowing what to expect, what is expected of you, and how to get it done. Fear not – your friends at Smiling Albino have the advice and answers you’re looking for!
When you gotta go...
The toilet/bathroom in Thai, hawng nahm, literally translates to ‘water room’. This is a totally accurate name, as everything having to do with relieving one’s self, washing, and freshening-up is done with water in this one usually very small room. Forget the image of a large hotel washroom with fresh hand towels – we’re talking about the toilet at the back of a noodle shop, in a villager’s home, or behind a fresh market. This is when you’re most likely to genuinely need to use the toilet and this is what we’re here to prepare you for.
You walk in: the room is small, hot, humid, and occasionally dirtier than you’d hoped. First thing: yes, that’s a shower head. People do shower in here. It’s likely several peoples’ place to take their two showers a day, using the toilet and everything in between. Be lucky you only have to be in here once for a short time. Unless something has gone terribly wrong, don’t take a shower.
Next, see that small, semi-scummy-looking container of water near the toilet? You’re going to need that and should use it. This is the water you’ll use to perform a manual flush once you’re done. Presuming you’re a responsible hawng nahm user, you should want to leave things clean for the next person. After doing your business, use the scoop/bucket to pour water into the bowl until there’s no trace of what you were up to.
You need paper for what you’re doing? Be sure to bring your own. If you are traveling with Smiling Albino you’re covered, as your host has a bunch and will have offered it to you before you entered this netherworld of relief. Just don’t throw the paper away in the bowl. Most small, rural plumbing systems such as the one you’re enjoying cannot cope with the copious amounts of tissue westerners use. Have a look around and ahhh, there it is…a small garbage bin almost full to the brim with paper. That’s the place to add your contribution to the pile. Just be glad you’re not the one who has to empty it!
And now the tricky bit – just how do you approach, mount, and use a ‘squat’ toilet? Carefully! Many women prefer a squatter as they don’t have to make contact with a potentially dirty seat, so fear not! First thing – be sure your shoes don’t have mud on them or anything that could cause you to slip. You don’t want to go down in here. Second – have a look around the edges of the bowl that’s sunken into the ground, become familiar with what you’ll have to plant your feet next to/around/on and that it’s not too wet. Third – depending on what you’re doing, carefully undo your pants/shorts/outerwear and ensure that nothing slides down and hits the floor. Fourth – approach, mount, and do what you have to, remembering the previous advice.
Now for the interesting part (as if all that wasn’t interesting enough!): there may be a small hose near the toilet, coming out of the wall, with a sprayer on it that looks like the one on your kitchen sink at home. No, people don’t do their dishes in here. But yes, it’s for washing; the item it washes is you. The back bit. Most visitors are uncomfortable at first when trying ‘the hose’, but anyone who’s lived here for any length of time loves them. Imagine: a couple quick sprays to clean and then drying yourself with paper instead of cleaning with paper, which is far less effective. Give it a go – you’ll thank us for it.
Are you ready for the challenge?
Now that you’re done, it’s time to wash your hands. But look – there’s only a small dirty sink with a bit of running water and no soap! Again, you’re in luck as your Smiling Albino host gave you a bottle of hand cleansing gel before you went in and you’re good to go.
Few toilets are as rugged as the one described above but if you’ve asked to get off the tourist trail and have to go then there’s a good chance you’ll experience something like the one we’ve written about here. In fact, it’s probably a good idea to have another read (or print a laminated copy to carry with you!)
Don’t be intimidated by the description of toilets in this piece. It, like our adventures, is intended to find the fun and joy in all aspects of your travel destination. All in all, Thailand is a clean, fun, and wonderful place to be; if you have a bit of pre-travel knowledge of what to expect, it will be that much more enjoyable.
